Hi~ Mai here~ and with this journal entry, it's time to take a vow. One week of researching Lolita and watching youtube and what not~ I came to realization, it consumes you. In a positive way of course! I've dreamt all about Lolita this whole entire week! Everything was Lolita, eating, talking, browsing. I also became depressed over how budget tight I am and how I only have support from a friend or two that loves the idea on me. I touched the surface with my mother, but I need to give her visual proof, as in me transforming into my progressing Lolita. With that I can see if mommy will let me follow my dreams or not. The best excuse is for my fashion academy of course. I can be myself through clothing, through visual expression. It's who I really want to be.
People like the way I look so far as I am, but I hate it. I never make effort into my appearance. I can't stare at a mirror that has my face on it, it just pains me. With make up I make a slight exception, but I still don't like it because I can't style my hair as I want it to. My parents control my appearance I guess. But with Lolita I can escape from restriction and show my true colors. I can become a girl, not a slouchy tomboy. I can be what I really am, not act the opposite gender as I used to be.
This is the step I need to take for my future. I've seen the pros and cons, peoples reactions, and I honestly didn't care. I want to become a unique style of Lolita. A style that pushes the boundaries, but stays inside them.
Right now I'm still developing my taste for dresses, and my petticoat is currently in NYC so I'll be waiting for that. I'm slowly shedding out of the dead skin I call "Crystal" and will soon become Mai Mai~ I WILL NOT make permanent changes to myself, I'll be the slouchy girl working as financial support for Mai, and it's impossible to try and change my name, that's silly. I really enjoy Bodyline's simple and cute dress designs so I'll be pleased to buy from there!
With that, I don't know what else to cover~ there was so much in mind but my phone is dying ^^' so bai bai~!! From Mai Mai! :D